Friday, August 7, 2009

Dolphin Teeth: Hot only on Sea Creatures?

So today at my temporary mundane day job that helps pay for all the stuff I don't really need to survive, but am still totally dependent on, I thought of something. I was thinking of a frustrating coworker and all the reasons I didn't like him. He has a weak personal brand, he doesn't take his psych/ADHD meds properly, he's manic, he has a mainstream haircut, he listens to mainstream rap but sings shit from n'sucked on the 98 degree backstreet bros (or whatever they were called) and he's just an overall douchetard that uses the word dude way too much to have never been to Cali. These, in my opinion, are pretty solid reasons to dislike someone, but deep inside I felt there was more. At first it was faint, I couldn't quite put my finger on it but then came that smile as he called a friend from his desk. If I had to guess he was probably laughing because he has the kinda friends that still say, "Whaaaazzzzuuuuuppp" when the phone and he was totally smiling because he wanted to do it but couldn't because he was at work.

In his smile I noticed something that just didn't seem right: He had the teeth of a creature not meant for land. Now at this time I'd like to note that this is not going to be some Jackie KooStow Marine biology journal, and even though i did mention dolphins in the last post, I'm not some lame hippie twink that thinks that these gay sea monsters are some type of spiritual or grand creature. It's just a coincidence that this mainstream bro has dolphin teeth.

The origin of dolphin teeth: Well I guess I remember hearing about dolphin teeth back in the day when chappelle said it about P. and his Daddy on his shortlived exploit on racism that ended with an existentialll crisis on whether it was ok to keep producing mediocre "racy" tv for obscenamountsts of money. Another time I heard it used was when i was watching the movie Crazy/Beautiful with some stonerbros and they were arguing about whether kirsty dunsten was hawt or nawt. I think when someone pointed out that she had dolphin teeth that settled the argument. From a scientific standpoint it should be known that dolphin teeth really come from some patchouli wearing hippie getting too baked and convincing a dolphin to "just let me put the tip in." This is the same reason some people have pig noses, but that has more to do with Alabama, and some redneckbro pissing off his sister so she makes him sleep in the barn.

Are dolphin teeth a deal breaker? yes, avoid them at all cost, no one wants to kiss someone who has kelp, or little fish guts stuck in between their teeth.

What do you think?

Do you know someone with dolphin teeth? Is there a Cure? Is that Crazy/Beautiful chick crazy or beautiful? Would Spiderman really fall for someone with dolphin teeth? Do pigs ask for it? Do you have someone you hate at work? If so why? Would you like free tickets to the taping of our live show? 

Oh and Fuck people who still do stuff they see on beer commercials.


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