BlogWeek in Review:

Okay, so I know I haven't posted in a couple days, but that's because my mom was using the family computer to check her hotmail and she found some stuff in the internet explorer's history that I forgot to clear from the cookies.  Now she is really pissed and doesn't understand why I'm looking at a porn site where old hippie swingers trade pics of each others saggy genetalia.  I can never tell her the real reason I went to those sites was so I could contribute that meaningful peace about the bro humpin his SUV.  If she discovers this blog she'll probably send me to some type of christian private school where everybody sings songs they learned from the Disney Channel.  She was so upset that I looked at porn, she decided to set me back in the stone-age by not letting me use any devices that connect to the internet.

I felt so eighties, but without all the zany outfits and catchey tunes, instead i was stuck with just the opportunities to be authentic that don't involve Photoshop, Abbyton, FruitenLoops, GarbageBand, TwitFaceSpace, or BlogDot.  I had to rely on other forms of entertainment.

 I've never been so bored.  I tried to talk to my sibling but she said I was a creep and an accident and the only reason I'm here at all is because mom used to drink.  I then reminded her that she's just mad cause the school mom made her go to (when she caught her Lezzin out on the softball team) wouldn't let her bring a same-sex date to prom.  

Then I tried to practice guitar so I could be an Indie-rockstar one day, but after only a couple minutes I got frustrated and decided to quit.  Guess I could still be a star like that guitar Bro from the Dirty Projectors.  

Next, I tried to watch TV, but my mom unhooked the cable in my room so I could only pick-up some local channel that was playing the tries Waytoohardtobe Zany show: Scrubs.  I watched it for like five minutes then I had to walk away and take some Addy cause Zach BraffBro's character kept distracting me with his eyebrows.  When I came back I thought about watching porn but because I couldn't go online, I was only left with those mags i stole from my uncle and that VHS tape.  I was gonna watch the VHS tape but I couldn't figure out the VCR because I'd never actually used it before by myself and the disc menu never would come on.

So, instead of getting discouraged I found my iNanoPOD classic and put on my headphones.  I listened to some tunes that I got off that invite-only torrent tracker that highschool kid sent me an invite to.  Fortunately I was able to download some advances a couple weeks ago so I could still be slightly ahead on the alt music scene.  The only problem was I couldn't check out any blogs to tell me what tracks to skim through and what tracks to skip to.  

Of the stuff I DL'd I guess I'd have to say that these are some of my fav tracks:

Taken By Trees:  Watch The Waves (Memory Tapes Version)  MP3

Atlas Sound - Walk a Thin Line (Fleetwood Mac Cover) MP3

Washed Out - Hold Out MP3

Zomby - Helter Skelter MP3

and finally one that is not new, but is still worth listening to (it makes me want to kidnap my very own kewt aZn)

Megamoog - Eleanor MP3

oh and fuck fleetwood mac and everyone who listens to them

-mg

The xx: Hip new UK band or next generation of sexuality?

I just heard of this new club for tween swingers: The xx. It's an underground society located within the suburbs of the UK. Here any freak can get their chance to do whatever type of slippery shit it is that they feel the more popular kids at their high school do with girls buzzin' on cough syrup and laxatives. They can just be themselves and still find someone to cum in/on without all the pressures that come along with maintaining an image that conforms. Here a generation of MTV watchers who mature to abandon the sophomoric network only to begin viewing MTV2, or FuZe, can set aside all their heartache and rejection and finger the girl next door, u know the one with the father that drinks.

I just know that this gothchill group, of KeLLi OZZyBOUrne fans, is the hottest foursome I've seen since that Blazzin' AZNs vid I Dl'd and stored away on that flash drive I hid under my mattress so my mom didn't find it. They are all I'm gonna be listening too next year when I go to college because I want to hookup with all the alt/hot girlz who will listen to this while reading Sylvia Plath. I know these are the girls for me. These girls, like myself, are the ones who don't quite fit into the Hollister wearing, Chili's eating group of mainstreamers that listen to FM radiostations above 100 MHz. I know I will find the girl that can make me Altgasm like no other in a quaint coffee bar or thrift store while this song is playing on that Iphone i'm getting for graduation.  

I can't wait to go away to college next year and leave all these uptight brittney spears lovin bitches behind while I go away to have sex with chicks that could never be cheerleaders but are not fat and don't have too many obvious physical deformities. I know that next year is going to be great because my cousin is already going to be living in town but off campus and he can buy us sparks and hiLiFe and Jager, like whenever so. Holla at me this fall and we'll get really wasted and experiment with college girls! I feel like things are finally going to happen for me when I get out this town and it's all because of The xx. 

Oh and Fuck Chili's!

-mg

Fuck our 7th grade teacher, Ms. M_______

So I was listening to the new HEALTH album, which leaked yesterday. I was completely taken into their dissociated world of shattered sonics/instruments-hooked-up-in-crazy-ways-to-produce-abandoned-city-and-steel-type-sound-scapes, when I realized that it reminded me of the personality of our 7th grade teacher, Ms. M_______, who we had last year.

She was such a fucking bitch cause:

1.) she gave me punish work because I 'hit' my bookbag with my foot/shin during English and it made my Sub Pop compilation CD come on
2.) she has a haircut like a man
3.) she tries to correct me for little interpersonal things, but she isn't my mom, and she's lived in Louisiana for her entire life so that must mean she's fucking backwards anyway so like what does she know about personalities anyway??
4.) Bush supporter
5.) 'conservative' listed on her Facebook

My bros and I do a ton of analysis of her and Chris said she does things called 'talking points', where like she doesn't know what she's talking about during English/Science (for example) but she throws out these 'points' in an irrelevant manner. Kinda sad when we can see through her bullshit as 7TH GRADERS.

Kinda also goes back to points 4 and 5 where it's obvious that she just has an agenda that she's trying to push. We didn't even cover 'evolution' in science because it was 'against school policy'. That's bullshit anyway because she's a tool because my brother (who listens to Eminem), told me about this dude Neetchi and how "god was invented to explain things in the past when knowledge wasn't so vast but is no longer relevant". So fuckign dumb that we pray in class.

Anyway, we had been keeping track of how many times she says the word "therefore" every day. Which she says A LOT!! I remember one day she said it like 45 times. I wish we would have kept track before March cuz then I could put how many times in a whole YEAR haha.

So I'm glad I'm moving to New York for 8th grade next year.

OH YEHA I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT SHE LOOKS LIKE JUDGE JUDY

Yeah so ready to go to a school that is cultured and liberal and open minded. Already have a bunch of shit that I'm going to bring to change my personal brand:

-Neon Indian 'Yikes!' pencils
-Nike messenger bag
-Zooey Deschanel 'Lisa Frank' folders

Gonna get guitar lessons and then HIGH SCHOOL

So until then I am going to listen to HEALTH and remember this dumb whroe/hag/dumb teacher who should get fired. I feel so sad for next year's class who has her!

MT